This Side Up

A shocker, that what’s needed

By John Howell
Posted 6/14/16

“They’re there,” Carol said excitedly.

There was no missing the chirping. It was incessant, demanding, like a repetitive drum beat, only it didn’t have rhythm. There was no mistaking where …

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This Side Up

A shocker, that what’s needed

Posted

“They’re there,” Carol said excitedly.

There was no missing the chirping. It was incessant, demanding, like a repetitive drum beat, only it didn’t have rhythm. There was no mistaking where it came from. The flash of brilliant red stood out in all the green. This cardinal wasn’t shy nor was his less colorful mate. He flitted down from one of the branches that shade the back porch, landing barely six feet away.

“They have a family. They’re somewhere up there.”

I scanned the trees but didn’t see any young cardinals. There was chirping from the trees, so surely there were more. Carol disappeared inside the kitchen, emerging with a handful of sunflower seeds.

It was just what the cardinal was waiting for. He put out the calls and there was a chorus of chirping. I was expecting the branches to unload at any moment, or, at least when she threw the seeds.

I should have guessed what would happen. From beneath the branches emerged a squirrel. Then came another and finally two more. They were like vacuum cleaners sucking sunflower seeds from the grass as quickly as possible. They weren’t eating, just stuffing the seeds in before the cardinals arrived or for that matter before their companions made off with the booty.

Carol was enraged. This family of cardinals had come to rely on her. She was their provider throughout the winter and now that they had a family to care for, she felt all the more responsible. She waved her arms. The squirrels sat up to watch. The cardinals took to the air. She reached for the rake propped by the back door and threw it at the squirrels. It was a total miss, but the squirrels figured they’d better not risk her wrath. Tails erect and chattering they headed for the tree where they stopped at the first branch and scolded her.

“That’s it,” Carol said.

I wasn’t sure what that meant. Was she giving up on feeding the cardinals; was she going to buy a gun? (She tried a super soaker last year, but she had lousy aim and the squirrels didn’t mind a shower if they got hit anyway.)

The next morning, as the cardinals repeated their feeding call, I watched as Carol filled up the bird feeder.

“They’re going to have to learn to use this,” she said. The feeder is one of those supposedly squirrel-proof devises that is spring-loaded and closes whenever something heavy lands on its perch. The feeder was filled to the brim, enough seed, I figured to last the cardinals until July 4th. When I got home that night, sunflower seed husks were spread across the walk and the feeder was empty. The squirrels had defeated technology and cleaned out the larder of seed.

Over dinner Carol voiced her frustration, and I suggested a new feeder I’d build using a bucket and a pole. The plan was to drill a hole in the bottom of the bucket, affix it to the pole so it was mouth down, and mount the whole thing far enough away from the tree that the squirrels didn’t have a chance of jumping onto it. Carol would then serve up the cardinals without the squirrels getting to the seeds.

I told Beacon general manager Richard Fleischer what I had planned and he had an even better idea.

Actually, it’s a tested device that his late father, Charles, built. Charlie electrified the pole. He would then sit on his porch and wait for the show to begin. He held a button with a wire leading to the pole.

When the squirrels got halfway up the pole, he would give them a shock and the animals would leap in the air doing back flips. It was great for laughs.

“It wasn’t strong enough to kill them,” said Rich, “just enough to give them a jolt.”

The squirrels figured it out soon enough and stopped raiding the feeder. An equal opportunity provider, Charlie set up an area to feed the squirrels, and as Rich said it all worked out for everybody. Charlie’s squirrel-shocker became part of family lore, a story to be retold for generations.

I’m thinking Charlie had something. If the cardinals have trained Carol to feed them, then surely we can train the squirrels to wait their turn.

Wonder if it could be solar powered?

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  • richardcorrente

    Dear John,

    The Cardinal is my favorite bird. In fact I think it should be the official bird of Warwick, but maybe we should talk about that after the election. As far as feeding, Cardinals love safflower seeds. It is a snow white seed that can be purchased in any wild bird store. There is a bonus as well. Squirrels HATE safflower seeds. I have fed them to Cardinals all my life and I never saw a squirrel even look at them.

    Otherwise Carol can just use an old family recipe. Mix some cayenne pepper with shortening. Coat the bird feeder pole with the mixture and watch the reaction when the squirrels start their climb! You can actually see them grimace when they lick it off their feet. I promise you John, they won't try it twice!

    Happy hunting.

    Rick

    Wednesday, June 15, 2016 Report this