To the Editor:
Almost a month ago, C-span telecast the 18th National Congress of the Chinese Communist Party in the Great Hall of the People when thousands of Party workers, delegates and stooges welcomed their new president, Xi Jinping. There was no wrangling with issues or personalities; all was done in order and in a timely manner, and even the applause was dignified and controlled.
Since only the RI Democratic Party has been in power for the last 80 years, it would be a shame to not honor the party in a similar fashion. Why not stage a Party Congress at the RI Convention Center where the assembled thousands of party and government workers, union officials, directors and fellow travelers could appoint our governor as Party Chairman of the People, Chairman Lincoln Chafee? His inaugural address to the party could be as follows:
1. Welcome and Greetings to the People, I am proud that you have selected such a distinguished leader and am assured that you will be happy to live in our renamed state of Refugio…clap, clap, clap.
2. The Rhode Island flag with its white field representing the purity of Christ and its anchor of hope for His people will be replaced with one with green field and windmill representing our love of nature and the environment…clap, clap, clap.
3. Science has declared that no person could be born of a virgin, nor could walk on the water, nor could be raised from the dead and therefore the traditional Christmas tree is henceforth to be called the Holiday tree…clap, clap, clap.
4. Science has also determined that future climate change will result in five-to-six-foot rise in sea level within decades and cause massive flooding of our State, therefore all properties within five miles of the Narragansett Bay will be deeded to the party by eminent domain and will be restored to their original primal condition. All persons living within those areas will be relocated to Burrillville for reeducation and indoctrination…clap, clap, clap.
5. The traditional relationship between a man and a woman are not to be consummated in the marriage bed, but rather, fornication and adultery are to be encouraged from preschool thru grade 12. The State will provide contraceptives and abortions to terminate all seed resulting from this copulation. LGBT persons are to be honored and shall receive the full protection of Party and State…clap, clap, clap.
6. Since no living seed will result from these liberties, the need for undocumented workers in Refugio will increase and they will be issued new automobiles, driver’s licenses and will receive the full protection of Party and State that were formerly given to the native born persons…clap, clap, clap.
7. Reactionaries will emerge due to these progressive changes of our State, so all firearms are to be confiscated and then reissued to the undocumented workers for their additional protection...clap, clap, clap.
8. From each according to his ability and to each according to his need…clap, clap, clap.
9. The above directives do not apply to the party nor to its chairman…clap, clap, clap.
10. Trust Chafee…clap, clap, clap.
Merry Christmas (oops)