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(Out of control spy spoof)

One of the most disappointing things about movie reviewing is watching two of your favorite actors, Colin Firth and Michael Caine, appear in an awful movie.

“What were they thinking?” we ask.

Richard Jenkins once told me that no actor starts out to be in an awful movie.

And “Kingsman: The Secret Service” didn’t start out that bad. The problem was that the writers and the director didn’t seem to have any concept of what they were doing or where the plot was going.

Was it supposed to be a spoof on the James Bond spy series? If so, where’s the subtle British humor? Where’s the hero who relies on his wits to overcome evil? Where’s at least a semblance of plausibility?

The elitist members of the Kingsmen operate outside the government in an attempt to ward off evil and save the world. This time they are after a billionaire activist (Samuel L. Jackson), who is out to control the human race with his latest invention.

There are numerous Bond references, including the perfect martini and the room of unique weapons, but none of the suave Bond actions.

They’ve given Jackson a lisp, which he doesn’t always appear to have, and is far short of good British humor. They also give him an assistant (Sofia Boutella) complete with razor-sharp blades replacing her lower limbs…just right for severing limbs.

Firth plays Galahad, who recruits a lower class kid (Taron Egerton), the son of a deceased Kingsman, feeling guilty for his death. We watch the young man go through a variety of tests to prove his abilities to join the elite group, led by Michael Caine.

What starts out as an interesting premise quickly falls apart as we watch countless battles that result in arms and legs being severed and hundreds of heads exploding in living color. A scene in a church, where Galahad brutally kills everyone in the building, is pure overkill, removing any thought of subtle British humor.

Rated a big R, with constant use of the F word, extreme and bloody violence, sexual references and disgusting vomiting.