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The new wave in doggie care

John Howell
Posted 9/8/15

It’s been said that trends move from west to east – that what’s the rage in California will eventually work its way east, and as Rhode Island is as far east as you can go before the Atlantic, …

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This Side Up

The new wave in doggie care

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It’s been said that trends move from west to east – that what’s the rage in California will eventually work its way east, and as Rhode Island is as far east as you can go before the Atlantic, we’ll be the last to get it.

That’s why I was delighted to discover this weekend that the latest advance in doggie care is only a four-hour drive away, provided there’s not too much traffic. That really means self-serve doggie wash won’t get to Rhode Island for at least another five year.

Change is slow in coming to Little Rhody.

The self-serve doggie wash is the latest addition to the Wishy Wash on Route 20 not far from Esperence in upstate New York. The car wash, a single-bay affair tucked off the road surrounded by fields, has been there for at least 50 years.

I remember because of the name and the fact that a car wash in the middle of farmland – where bright shiny cars hardly seem a priority – is an oddity. Obviously, I don’t know New Yorkers. But I do have some experience when it comes to dogs, and a self-serve doggie wash has me intrigued.

How would this work?

Are dogs expected to wash themselves? After all, it’s self-serve.

You get the picture. The dog enters a stall designed as a marsh filled with the most inviting assortment of doggie attractions, from muskrats to ducks. To lend authenticity, there’s an odor of rotten eggs and dead fish – ideal rolling conditions. Spray nozzles align the roof and ceiling – they’re bone shaped and spin like a dishwasher.

Every dog would be envious to get a wash with such amenities. But wait, I imagine there’s more. There would have to be scrubbers to get out that deep grim beneath the fur and from under the pads. When it comes to cars, it’s a matter of oscillating rotating brushes, which really won’t work on dogs.

So what would?

Ollie has the answer. Getting clean for him means rolling in the dust or on the carpet. So, this self-serve doggie wash could have undulating pads somewhat like those electronic massage chairs you find in airports and occupied by people in states of nirvana.

The final stage would be the drier.

I can’t see a blow drier working.

Of course there would be the shake platform that would be followed by the towel-rub down. The final feature would be the perfume spray at an additional charge. Scents would range from the farmyard mutt smell with its hint of organic manure to the “city dog scent” of diesel exhaust. The wet-dog odor would be free of charge.

Then there would have to be a doggie treat to complete the canine experience and ensure wagging tails at the next visit to the self-wash.

Somehow this all is over the top.

Or is it?

If doggie self-washes are opening in rural upstate New York, then, as surmised, they’re headed our way.

I can see doggie day care offering self-washes, and for an additional charge your dog could return home with that wonderful outdoor barnyard smell that transports you to far away places … well, at least as far as New York.

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