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Watch out for giant microbes at Christmas

John Howell
Posted 12/30/14

The dining room table glittered. Candles were reflected in the glasses as the late afternoon sun cast shadows across the room.

Erica was ready to serve Christmas dinner. She and her mother Sharon, …

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This Side Up

Watch out for giant microbes at Christmas

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The dining room table glittered. Candles were reflected in the glasses as the late afternoon sun cast shadows across the room.

Erica was ready to serve Christmas dinner. She and her mother Sharon, from Canada, who traditionally visits at Christmas, had prepared an enticing meal.Sharon brought turkey, with all the trimmings, and a wide selection of desserts they baked, from apple pie to pecan tarts, to chocolate squares and shortbread with raspberry.

Everybody was ready for the next step of Christmas, although there was no way of knowing there was more to come; the excitement of the gifts was over.

Carol and I arrived about 3 p.m. Hugs all around. Ted got us drinks while the twins, Alex and Sydney, pulled us away to show us some gifts. They hadn’t been able to sleep Christmas Eve and tiptoed into Sharon’s room before 5 a.m. to wait until 6, when it was OK to see if their stockings were filled. Hours later, remarkably, they were still in high gear.

Sydney pulled me to the side.

“Look Peppy,” she exclaimed, holding up a stuffed object the length and color of a hotdog bun, with a pair of eyes in the middle. I couldn’t guess what it might be. She and her sister have gone through the Ugly Doll craze, but this was something new and hardly, I would add, a thing of beauty. But it had captured Sydney’s imagination.

I started off with the hotdog bun and got a look that I should know better. I confessed my ignorance.

“It’s a cavity,” she announced.

I was totally bewildered.

“A cavity, like you get in your teeth?”

She saw my confusion.

“They’re more,” she announced, producing a handful of stuffed, colored objects that lacked resemblance to anything.

“More cavities?”

“They’re germs,” she said, like I should know better.

I suppose they looked a bit like what you’d find under a microscope.

“What’s that?” I said, pointing to a blue stuffy about half the size of the cavity.

“That’s a cold,” she answered definitively.

When I got home, I Googled “germ toys” to find Giant Microbes, an outfit that sells a range of stuffed toys, from bad breath to bed bugs to E. coli and chickenpox. Going further, I found “Infectiously Cute Plush Microbes!” they informed, “Most folks never realize how cute microbes can be when expanded 1,000,000 times and then fashioned into cuddly plush. Until now, that is. Keep one on your desktop to remind yourself that there is an ‘invisible’ universe out there filled with very small things that can do incredible damage to much bigger things. Then go and wash your hands. Lather, rinse, repeat.”)

I didn’t dawdle much longer on the giant microbes as we launched into exchanging gifts. The twins gave me a well-crafted card and a box that had more tape on it than paper.

“They wrapped it themselves,” Erica proudly declared.

It rattled. The girls warned me to be careful. I pulled off the paper and tape to reveal a plastic food container containing a miniature dog, fish, donut and heart the girls had made from clay.

I then handed Ted a gift, a small box with the note, “Go nuts and have a ball.”

It’s one of our traditions to see if you can guess the gift from the card. It was Ted’s turn to be befuddled. He shook the box and finally tore off the wrapping. Inside, he found a plastic bag of bolts and two miniature soccer balls. I had him.

He was stumped until I took him out to the car and showed him the foosball table that needed assembly. Later, we put it together in the basement, with Sydney and me taking on Ted and Alex for several games.

Then it was time for Christmas dinner. Everything was spread out on the kitchen countertop. We circled to fill our plates and then found a place in the dining room. The settings were beautiful. There was a glow to the room. The girls plunged in until Ted reminded them to wait until everyone was seated. We joined hands. Carol said grace, blessing the meal and our extended family.

As we got to dessert, Sydney got on my lap and I asked her what was her favorite Christmas gift. She didn’t have one; she liked them all. I wondered about the microbes, whether that had sparked an interest in science or medicine.

“What would you like to do someday? Be a teacher, a doctor, a nurse?”

Even at 7, she was emphatic. She wasn’t thinking of any of those. What was she thinking?

“Let’s play foosball,” she said.

Alex was ready for it, too.

We retreated to the basement. Sharon joined us and for a while we spilt up. Then, when Sharon left, it was the twins against me. Fortunately, they made a few goals against themselves and I was the winner.

Somehow I don’t think it’s going to be that way for long. They’ll be practicing and foosball beats germs any day.

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