Life Matters

The future of the next generation

By Linda Petersen
Posted 4/28/17

We try in our household to never denigrate other people who are different than ourselves. When our children were young, they learned that “God don’t make junk!” This was a favorite saying of my …

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Life Matters

The future of the next generation

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We try in our household to never denigrate other people who are different than ourselves. When our children were young, they learned that “God don’t make junk!” This was a favorite saying of my mom’s because my brother was so severely impaired, (blind, hearing impaired, severely developmentally delayed, cleft palate, and with huge ears that stuck straight out to the side. At the age of 18, he also developed schizophrenia, which stretched our concept of acceptance.) My children lovingly accepted their uncle, always greeting him, willing to be his sighted guide, or getting him his favorite beverage, Diet Coke.

There is a concern that other parents do not raise their children this way; that many parents regularly make fun of others, including those who are overweight, disabled, elderly, of color, homosexual or transgender. (How many parents talk positively about Caitlyn Jenner?) Parents express comments in their own homes with the little ears of their children listening. Most parents would probably be mortified if they knew that these very same children assimilate these ideas and regularly use them in school to bully others.

With the use of social media, bullying has become a national epidemic in schools. Schools have prevention programs and generally try their best to deal with this issue, but they cannot possibly police the ingrained thoughts of others or catch every whispered insult hurled in the corridors.

While in junior high school, I went to audition for the chorus. There were two boys there who pointed at me, started laughing and called me “mole face” because I had a few moles on my cheek. I left the auditorium immediately, walked home and cried. I admit I am especially sensitive to criticism, but that one comment made me feel ugly. That comment still can bring tears to my eyes today. No one wants to feel ugly.

Imagine that you are a student who, with much thought and parental support, has presented himself/herself as gay. Such a child should be able to feel comfortable being who they are. Unfortunately, other students are not quite so understanding, and hurl hurtful names under their breath. Imagine you are a child who is overweight, and the other students call you “fat”. Everyone knows how hard it is to loose weight, and that insult has just added further stress to an already stressful condition. What about students who are developmentally disabled, mainstreamed into regular classes? They may talk or walk oddly, grasp onto concepts more slowly, or be in constant hyperactive motion. I have seen situations where even teachers make comments to them that are insensitive. “Just sit still and do your work” or, my favorite example, “You just have to get organized.” Duh, why didn’t the student think of that, as though they could just do so by the teacher yelling at them? Wouldn’t one think that if they could, they would? It would certainly make their lives a whole easier, too. Students with ADHD have a medical condition in which their thoughts are wired differently, through no fault of their own.

Then there are the students of parents who may be deficient in their parenting skills. These students may come to school in clothes too small or dirty. Often deodorant is lacking, as well as tooth brushing. The students may look sad. In fact, many of them are, with parents who are abusive, alcoholic or too absorbed in their own problems to care for their children. Yet, on top of these life challenges, they are also bullied. I knew of one such student where the entire class would hold their noses and back away because the student smelled (when teachers weren’t looking, of course.)

As part of a committee to look at hospital emergency room visits for one pediatric practice, surprisingly, the highest number of visits was made by 14, 16 and 18 year olds, not the typical toddler hitting his head or seven year old getting stitches. The overwhelming reasons were psychiatric, severe depression, aggression, cutting, suicidal intent and suicidal attempt, a few of whom were successful. The overwhelming common denominator was low self-esteem, often linked back to bullying.

Parents, please think of how you talk about others. What you are saying in the privacy of your home may be taken to heart by your children who use this knowledge to bully others. Teach children to respect the feelings of others. The future of our next generation depends upon it.

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