We’re used to hearing the medical community talk about our BMI (Body Mass Index) as a way to determine if we’re obese.  The BMI uses body fat to measure body mass, which has long been the standard way to decide if someone is obese. A BMI of 40 or over gets you labeled clinically obese; 25-40 makes you pre-clinical. Good news! You can now forget about your BMI. There are other things to worry about regarding whether you are unhealthy. Weight, measurements and ratios are just some of them. This could get complicated, so you should probably take notes.

Medical journals report that if a woman’s waist is more than 34.6 inches or a man’s is at least 40 inches, they most likely have too much fat. Other measures used are waist-to-hip ratios and waist-to-height ratios. The latest articles on this subject tell us that many medical professionals now recommend tracking adiposity, or the accumulation of body fat, along with height, weight, blood pressure and other key metrics as a more accurate way of capturing health than BMI. Track adiposity? I can barely pronounce it, much less know exactly what it means. Doctor Leana Wen wrote an article on this in March 2025.

Even if you have a lower BMI, many doctors suggest getting a body composition scan like a DEXA (dual X-ray absorptiometry). The Lancet Diabetes & Endocrinology journal once recommended focusing on 18 medical conditions caused by obesity such as the usual pains and poorly functioning organs. At my age I have enough lists to keep track of without adding a list of medical conditions that I should be keeping track of. I certainly can’t be expected to remember what a DEXA is unless I write it down in my day planner. And what am I supposed to do with this scan once I have it?

I have a simpler way for you to decide if you’re too fat. But first, some back story. In 2011 I blogged about a report that fat is good sometimes. The study was conducted by a team of mostly Canadian scientists and used the more comprehensive Edmonton Obesity Staging System (EOSS) which was published in the journal Applied Physiology, Nutrition and Metabolism. It showed that under certain conditions, people who are obese are actually less likely to die of cardiovascular causes than skinny folks.

To qualify for the study, the chubby folks had to have been less obsessed with losing weight than the lean folks. That is, they would have tried less often throughout their lives to lose weight. The pleasingly plump also had to have no serious “physical, psychological or physiological impairments.” (I’d love to know how that was judged in 2011.)

Apparently, being content with ones body, even if it was carrying a few more pounds than ideal, meant that these subjects were likely to have a healthy lifestyle. That translated into being physically active and eating healthy food. (And I’d definitely like to know how those criteria were decided on.)

The EOSS classified but the report did not itemize five stages of obesity. I’ve developed my own system to determine obesity levels. First you need to answer these questions. The more questions you say ‘yes’ to, the higher the stage you’re in.

• Did everyone pinch your cheeks when you were a baby?
• Is there any part of you that doesn’t shake when you walk?
• Do your friends ask you if you forget your Spanx, or if that’s a seriously out of control muffin top?
• Does your muffin top have love handles?
• Do your love handles have muffin tops?
• When you’re taking group photos, do you look for someone even fatter than you are to sit next to? (Especially useful at class reunions.)

If you answered ‘yes’ to at least three of these, you should move on to my acid test for the highest stage of obesity. Or, you can go straight to this test without even answering the questions.

You fill a bathtub to the brim with water and plop your body into it. If the water that overflows takes more rolls of paper towels to mop it up than you got on sale at Costco last month, you’re probably clinically obese.

My acid test is much easier than trying to understand all the medical jargon and tests. You can thank me after you’ve finished mopping up.

Elaine M. Decker’s books include Retirement Downsizing—A Humorous Guide, Retirement Sparks, Retirement Sparks Again, Retirement Sparks Redux and CANCER: A Coping Guide. Her essays appear in the anthologies: 80 Things To Do When You Turn 80 and 70 Things To Do When You Turn 70. All are available on Amazon.com. Contact her at: emdecker@ix.netcom.com Copyright 2025 Business Theatre Unlimited