In today’s highly polarized, overly politicized society, holidays like Memorial Day can stir up complicated feelings, particularly if your family has never been touched by the loss of someone in the military, and particularly if you abide by an ideology that’s averse to war.

We think it’s worth exploring that inner conflict.

While we wholeheartedly support those who enter into careers in the military, and while we absolutely believe the ideals of America are worth fighting for, we can’t help but also find it troubling how many Americans (and Rhode Islanders) seem to hold the view that an aggressive sense of combative nationalism is prerequisite to being a patriotic American. Because in reality, some of the bravest souls to serve in uniform have emerged from their time in conflict advocating against all war, and fighting in general.

For example, let’s talk about Smedley Darlington Butler. Born in 1881 in Pennsylvania, he started his military career by lying about his age to receive a direct commission as an officer. By the end of his career, he would become (at the time of his death) the most decorated member in the history of the United States Marine Corps. He won the Medal of Honor twice and amassed 16 medals, including five for acts of heroism, during his 34-year military career, which continued through World War I.

In his later years, he would dedicate his life to speaking out against what he viewed as opportunistic profiteering by the U.S. government in conflicts around the world. He accused the military of using soldiers to enrich large corporations.

And whether or not you agree with that critique, or you see him as a sort of traitor to the flag, it illustrates an important point — that it is possible for very patriotic, very brave people to hold simultaneously conflicting views about war, about America’s involvement in conflicts around the globe, and about the meaning of something like Memorial Day.

As we look around us today and see how different people’s views are about what it truly means to be “American,” and the things they are willing to tolerate when a member of “their” political party does them, versus a member of the “other” party, perhaps it is best that we use days like Memorial Day to reflect on the humanity behind the day and leave the labels at the door.

Soldiers who go into war don’t get to decide when the war starts or when it ends. Many times, in past conflicts, they didn’t even get to decide whether they wanted to answer the call to serve. But thousands upon thousands of men and women throughout our history have perished on foreign and domestic soils throughout our history.

They didn’t do it to earn favors with a political party, to get rich or to advance their personal ideologies. Some of them died protecting civilians from the countries they were engaged in conflict with. Some of them sacrificed themselves to save their fellow soldiers from suffering the same fate, even if they held totally different views or personally disliked them. They all left permanent and painful voids in the lives of those who loved them and miss them to this day.

They all deserve to be remembered. And in a world that seems to be pulling us apart from every angle, this collective remembrance should be unifying.

We should never forget that at the end of the day, that is what Memorial Day is really about. It’s not about politics, or debating whether a war is just, or competing to show who has the most patriotic parade or who “loves America” the most. It should be a reflective remembrance of the humanity that binds us all together, and the humanity that is still worth fighting for.