Finally got around to seeing Hasbro’s latest fiasco, which was the number one movie its opening weekend. Other choices were “Evil Dead” and “The Host,” so I figured this was the lesser of three evils.
We remember the opening of G.I. Joe at the Warwick Showcase in 2009, complete with action toy giveaways and blatant promotion of the Hasbro dynasty. The sequel arrived with much less fanfare, but a loyal audience who like this stuff.
The G.I. Joes are back, although one disappears shortly into the movie. Dwayne Johnson emerges as the main character, with Bruce Willis showing up late in the movie to help him defeat COBRA.
The continuous action switches from martial arts to gun battles to nuclear weapons, as good guys and bad guys become indistinguishable.
Ironically, the really bad guys are the North Koreans, as enemies team up to destroy Cobra and, surprise, save the world from nuclear disaster with two seconds to spare.
Names like Storm Shadow, Roadblock, Flint and Lady Jaye would make good models for action figures for kids too young to see the movie without a parent. I pity any parent who has to sit through this disjointed free-for-all, trying to figure out who is who.
Jonathan Pryce plays the President who was duplicated by the evil Zartan and taken his place. Willis is the original Joe who comes out of retirement to help the team. They both are good in their roles, but their roles are a bit ridiculous.
The pyrotechnic folks work overtime as explosions and fire light up the screen and, yes, the discredited Joes are heroes once again.
Rated PG-13, with constant action and violence, and one of the highest body counts ever shown on the big screen.
Stay tuned for the summer movies, which will feature three – count them – three Armageddon movies with bigger body counts.