What is normal when it comes to teens and dating?


Because February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month, there has been a lot of discussion regarding what teens see as a healthy relationship and what they see as a dangerous or unhealthy relationship.

According to the website for the National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month campaign (teendvmonth.org), teen dating violence is seen as a silent epidemic because one in three teenagers will experience some form of abuse from a dating partner, but over two-thirds of them will never report it.

During a recent interview for a story about the month, three Warwick high school students revealed that while physical violence towards someone would be an obvious sign of abuse, they often see what can be considered a “controlling” relationship as normal.

The teens said it is normal to see boys and girls refuse to let their significant others hang out with friends of the opposite gender, keep track of their partner’s whereabouts through social media sites, and change their personal style or activities because a significant other told them to. They said most of these behaviors were normal and are often attributed to the boyfriend or girlfriend being overly caring or jealous.

But as a result these teens can often end up isolated from their friends, only spending time with their significant other. Then they may decide to stay in the unhealthy relationship because they have no one else to turn to and fear their friends will not take them back.

While physical and sexual violence take the main stage in the discussion about domestic and dating violence, there are three other types of violence that lead to unhealthy and abusive relationships: emotional, verbal and financial.

In a world where teens consider being in a “controlling” relationship to be normal, it is clear that more needs to be done in school, in the home and/or in the media to show young people the warning signs to all types of unhealthy relationships.

Claire Spaulding McVicker, executive director of the Katie Brown Educational Program, a school curriculum aimed at teaching young people about dating violence, said depictions of relationships in television shows and movies play a role in how teens view normal relationships. Also, the increased use of social media and smart phones have led teens to believe it is okay to keep track of their significant others 24/7.

But ultimately, a healthy relationship is built on trust, honesty and respect. That is the message we need to start sending to young people, this month and every month of the year.


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That could happen in adult relationship as well. It's also how they are raised and what they see growing up. Then of course there is all the failed marriages, infidelity, single mothers, casual sex.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

February is National Teen Dating Violence and Prevention Month? Who knew? And here I thought it was the exclusive purview of Black History Month, National Bird Feeding Month, American Heart Month, Adopt A Rescued Rabbit Month, Dog Training Education Month, Avocado and Banana Month and, never to be outdone, dude, Marijuana Awareness Month. Until violence (dating or otherwise) is treated as a crime and not a quasi-mental health issue, there will be a need for the "educational program" industry. Nowhere in the editorial do I see the words "police", "law enforcement", or "criminal". Then again, treating this behavior as criminal might undermine sales.

Monday, February 24, 2014